


Curiosity, Duplicity, Intensity

by leet911



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, One Shot, Pining, Post-Season/Series 01, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26395861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leet911/pseuds/leet911
Summary: In which Beatrice contemplates her moments of weakness.Or,Beatrice doesn't know how she feels about Ava.  Because the night they met, the air was not crisper, the moon did not shine brighter, and the angels did not sing.  The night they met, Beatrice stabbed a syringe into Ava's neck, and they carried her back to the Cat's Cradle.
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Comments: 17
Kudos: 264





	Curiosity, Duplicity, Intensity

* * *

**Curiosity**

> _Forgive me, for I have sinned._

Beatrice tells herself that she is curious because Ava is the halo bearer, the Warrior Nun. Ava is their newest, most blessed sister, and eventual leader, so it's crucial to know her. It's important for all of the Sister Warriors to study Ava, learn her style and patterns. Their next battle could depend on acting instinctively as a team.

So Beatrice watches as Ava trains, watches her hair jump up and down as Ava weaves, watches her legs tense and propel her forward in a headlong charge. Lilith side-steps easily of course. The taller warrior knocks Ava's weapon aside with her own, and a swift kick to the knee sends Ava sprawling.

"Again." Mother Superion is not amused.

Lilith smirks. "Too reckless. You revealed your attack before it even started."

Lilith is right of course. Beatrice too, had noted the position of Ava's feet, known that a charge was coming. And she remembers her first days here as well. Mother Superion had said she was an excellent student, but Beatrice had felt just as small as Ava. All her past teachers had also always said she was an excellent student, so it never meant anything. Because it was still never enough no matter what she excelled at, whether languages, or music, or martial arts.

It was Sister Shannon who accepted her that day, Shannon who pointed out, "that's the first time I've ever heard Mother Superion call anyone a good student." And Beatrice felt that she did belong here, with the OCS. Shannon deserved the halo, because Shannon was a true leader. So Beatrice looks around the room and all of them are watching the same thing unfold, but no one moves, no one speaks. She looks to Mary, because Mary must know what to do, but there's only a shrug. And Beatrice walks away.

Ava tries though. Ava makes the first move that night in the dining hall, sits next to Beatrice even after the others rebut her. They talk about sisterhood, and leadership, and vows, and expectations. Beatrice likes that Ava is drawn to her, likes that Ava needs her, that Ava smiles at her.

So when Ava runs away, Beatrice is sad, but not surprised. Ava is not one of them. Ava is an outsider, a non-believer, the luckless outcome of happenstance. But she is also sweet, and funny, and hopeful, and free. And maybe a little part of Beatrice is jealous, because Ava is everything she could never be. Ava is reborn, living her own life, without a care in the world.

So Beatrice wonders where Ava is, where she's going, and what she's doing. And maybe it's better this way, because Beatrice knows that with Ava lies temptation.

* * *

  
  


**Duplicity**

> _It has been far too long since my last confession._

The day that Ava returns, Beatrice’s pulse is racing and her heart is pounding much faster than it should. She tells herself it’s adrenaline. It’s the consequence of putting Sister Crimson in her place, and a very close call with a shotgun. It’s not at all because Ava is here, or because Ava is hurt, or because Ava is clinging to her as they make their escape. Beatrice tells herself she’s just excited about not having to go off to Malaysia anymore. She smiles at her guardian angel, and Ava smiles right back.

Mary clasps Beatrice on the shoulder and squeezes. Beatrice knows Mary is smiling too. Mary never lost faith.

So their mission now, is to save the world. They have a plan, and each of them their roles. Beatrice is to be Ava’s conscience, her guiding voice in the darkness. And Beatrice doesn’t stop to think if she should do this, if she deserves this, because this is not redemption or absolution. This is simple. They’re a team, and Ava needs her.

So she practices with Ava, encourages her at every attempt, talks her through every failure. Her words hold the weight of the understanding, and Ava responds. Ava becomes braver, more confident, ever more hopeful. When she bursts through twenty feet of stone for the first time, Ava wraps her arms around Beatrice and they stare into each other’s eyes giddy. When Ava calls her beautiful, Beatrice melts, because even though Ava truly believes what she says, Beatrice knows Ava can't mean it quite that way.

On the night before they fly to Rome, Camila and Beatrice pack equipment while Ava sleeps in the next room. Maybe Camila sees them. Camila, with her all too perfect story selection from the diary that almost broke Beatrice. For a moment, Beatrice contemplates confronting Camila, but she decides against it. Better not to name her feelings. It makes them easier to deny, to pretend they don't exist.

So they work in silence until they’ve zipped up the last bag of weapons and everything is stowed. "What do you think?" Camila asks. “How are you feeling?”

“About the mission?”

“About Ava.”

"I don't know." Beatrice says, but that's a lie. Because Beatrice has been here before, and she knows exactly what she feels about Ava.

* * *

  
  
  


**Intensity**

> _Your mercy endures forever._

They are on the run now. Always moving, always fighting. The demons swarm everywhere, and Beatrice keeps a keen eye as they scurry across an empty street.

Mary keeps the pace quick, driving them just a little further, a little bit longer each time. Mary has become the leader of their little band, because even though Ava is the Warrior Nun, Mary is the one giving the orders, and none of them are wary of following. Ava is their secret weapon, their champion who can put down the demons in a glorious blast of light, but she needs rest between each encounter.

And rest is hard to come by; safety even more so. Ava leans against Beatrice, their breaths heavy and synchronized. Ava struggles with her injured leg, Beatrice with the strain of supporting the other girl. Camila tries to help as much as she can too, but she has a weapon in hand, and is tasked with watching their backs.

Lilith makes short work of the door to a boarded up inn, and they all slip inside. Beatrice slides Ava down to the floor out of sight from the street, while Camila stands guard in the doorway.

“Don’t get comfortable yet,” Mary says, then she points at Lilith. “Check the rooms.”

Ava’s eyes are closed. Her breaths are short and rapid now.

Without thinking, Beatrice brushes the hair back from Ava’s face. “Does it hurt?” It looks like it must.

“I’ll be fine. Just give it some time.” Ava’s eyes stay closed.

Beatrice looks down at the leg that was mangled just a short while ago. Already, the bone and skin is knitting back together. Ava is bloody, but there is no longer an open wound where that last Tarask slashed her. Chunks of muscle are clearly missing from the leg though, and Beatrice can see Ava’s pulse beating just beneath the surface.

“I’m sorry,” Beatrice starts, but Mary returns then and interrupts them.

“We’ll stay here for the night. There’s a working shower upstairs.”

Ava’s eyes open then, at the mention of the shower, because it’s been far too long for all of them. Beatrice remembers Ava talking about showers, something about the feel of water in her hair and rain on her skin. Ava loves showers. Beatrice likes thinking about Ava in the shower.

“You go first,” Ava says, “I’ll be able to stand by the time you’re done.”

So they take turns washing, while the rest prepare defences and Ava recovers. Beatrice tries to volunteer for the first watch of the night, because even though they are all exhausted, she tells herself that she deserves this punishment.

But Mary sees right through her. “Lilith already took the watch. Go talk to Ava.”

“I-” Beatrice isn’t sure what she’s protesting, just that she feels responsible for Ava’s injury, and that it’s getting harder and harder for her to stay calm around Ava.

A wave stops her. “It wasn’t your fault. But you don’t need to hear it from me, so go talk to Ava.”

Beatrice finds herself in front of Ava’s door. She thinks back to earlier that day, when she had been focused on Ava instead of the task at hand. She should have been watching her sector for enemies, but she had instead been admiring Ava's neck, the curve of her ear, the way her hair tucked behind it just so. Beatrice hadn't noticed the Tarask stepping through the gate, hadn't noticed anything beyond Ava's radiant smile suddenly turning to a scream.

Beatrice shakes herself out of the memory and knocks. There's a muffled "Come in," and she opens the door without thinking.

Ava is not fully dressed. She's not indecent, but her armor is off, her arms and stomach are bare, and she is drying her hair with a towel. Fading bruises line her limbs and abdomen. Her leg is pink and raw, but whole again.

Beatrice sucks in her breath. She tells herself it's because of the injuries, the starkness of their battles laid out. It's not at all because of Ava's wet hair, her exposed midriff, and the sleepy smile on Ava’s face. It's not at all because Ava reminds her of lives past and desires forgotten.

“I’m sorry about before,” Beatrice says, trying not to look, “I wasn’t paying attention and-”

“And I had to save your life.” Ava finishes with a laugh.

Beatrice doesn’t understand why Ava is laughing. This is serious. “If something were to happen to you because of me, I-”

“I’m fine,” Ava cuts her off again, “you don’t have to apologize for caring.”

There's a contrast here, that Beatrice can't explain. She feels terrible for letting down her team, letting down Ava, but Ava is all smiles. She wants to run away, because these emotions that are welling up inside her are things she's learned to clamp down and hide. And yet she can't help but bask in Ava's light. When Ava looks at her, there are no expectations, no demands. When Ava looks at her, Beatrice feels more beautiful than she ever has.

Ava is beautiful too of course, all the sisters are. Mary in her loyalty, Lilith in her determination, Camila in her support. Shannon too was beautiful in her selflessness. And the others all say Beatrice is the strongest, but she never believes them. Because with Ava here in front of her, she still feels only weakness.

But she understands how she feels about Ava, embraces it and holds it close. And maybe it's acceptable to be weak sometimes, on the inside where no one but God can see.

Ava clearly forgives her, and that’s good enough for Beatrice. “Goodnight,” she says, retreating. “Get some rest.”

Unprompted, Ava wraps her arms around Beatrice as she is leaving, gives her a quick hug from behind. “Goodnight,” she whispers, and there’s the faintest brush against Beatrice’s neck. She doesn't know if those were Ava's lips, or just her imagination. Beatrice stumbles, feels her resolve falter, but only for a moment. Her steps quicken as the door closes behind her, and she mouths her true feelings into the empty hallway.

_I love you._

> _And I go in peace._

* * *


End file.
